Chapter three: Copycat Identity

We all usually start off agreeing with some form of peer pressure. Whether the influence of our chosen peer group is beneficial or destructive, we start off using someone else's value system. Use drugs, rebel, conform, lead, follow; doctors, lawyers, politicians, plumbers, we start off seeking experimentally where we are happiest. So consider this set first:

Let's contrive a very unlikely example. Dick sees that Jane is very beautiful. Finding that the object of her affection is the President of the Chess club, Dick joins the Chess club, reads Kasparov, competes like a demon, and wins the County Chess King tournament. His over-awed peers elect him President of the Chess Club. Jane, being predictable as all women are, succumbs to his advances and we have Nirvana – Boy gets Girl. I know we are all laughing, but this is the stylized result that Dick envisions. The point we all miss is that the kiss is the end of the movie but it is only the start of the relationship. Up to this point, Dick had a goal: Become President of the Chess Club/Win Jane's affections.

Consider Dick's situation first: Victorious though he may be he is automatically insecure. Even in this ideal world, he is not going to become World Chess King. Worse yet, he doesn't WANT to. He finds that Jane is in love with someone he is not, and as beautiful as Jane is, he discovers that he is not in love with who she is. She has become a trophy. He loses County Chess Champion next time around, and Jane discovers that he is mortally fallible.

And what of Jane's part? She cannot believe that she has been “deceived” by a man who claims to be a Chess Champion, but all he ever really wanted to be was a Vet! It is academic who dumps who.

Consider what opinions of the opposite sex have been re-enforced. Dick has “learned” that there is no point changing to please a girl. He has “learned” that “All Girls” don't love you for who you are. Jane has “learned” “All Men” will do anything as long as they are in pursuit, but don't really want to be “in a relationship.” Furthermore, “All Men” want her only for her looks.

This would be bad enough if Dick and Jane met their ideal mate the very next time they ventured “out there.” BUT when Jack shows up to try and win Jane's affections, he has a very negative stereotype to overcome. Neither is Dick particularly kind to Jill. Jill loves animals, and thinks Vets are the unsung heroes of the New Millennium. Dick thinks it's an act, and is skeptical. Jill feels like he doesn't trust her, and therefore doesn't love her. Jill finally concludes that he is more in love with her looks than her character and although he really thinks she's prettier than Jane, it ends up not mattering

The point is this: Preconceptions are self fulfilling. Multiply this out by many years, and factor in that relationships are less commonplace than Untested Crushes, (these last remaining unchallenged by reality,) and it is a marvel that Cross-Gender relations, (admittedly bad,) are not worse to the point of violence.

Recapitulating, we recall that Dick modified his identity to obtain Jane's affections.