Chapter Eighteen: Back to Jill and the Chess Club President. Sour Grapes examined.

In Chapter Nine, Jill gave her number to the Chess Club President, secure in the knowledge that he would be sensible and use it for friendly reasons. He did not. He called her all the time and did not understand that she was not romantically interested. This is a predicament girls find themselves in on a regular basis. Recall if you will that she never had sex with the Chess Club President. What on earth can she do? Since we are contriving examples, let’s contrive this one: Jill has some girl friends that are equally single. She owes them little allegiance and she would like to purchase some goodwill. Her strategy is not without cost, but not without benefit for all concerned. She chooses a friend she thinks would like the Chess Club President, and tells her about how great he is in the sack. Here we observe that forbidden fruit is often the most alluring, and that of someone else is often far more tempting than our own. It almost doesn’t matter what her friend does about it. If she sets her cap for the guy in question, she has only one competitor: Jill who just betrayed him to her. If she tells others, the Chess Club Champion gets a reputation for promiscuity that pays him back for being rude if he is a prude. If he is not a prude, the reputation breaks the ice for him in future. Eventually someone will “fall on that grenade.”

All of us have a friend somewhere who speaks of the experience of having sex as relaxing. It doesn’t take away the accusation of hypocrisy, but does take the offending “goody goody two shoes” down a peg or two, right? Just in case you are among the good goody two shoes community… acetaminophen will relax you. It is an analgesic, which means a muscle relaxant, and you can buy it over the counter at the pharmacy. It is different from ibuprofen, which is an anti-inflammatory. If you overdose on ibuprofen, it is under a doctor’s instruction and causes bleeding. However overdosing on acetaminophen causes liver damage. Next to your heart, your liver is your most important organ, so don’t exceed dosing instructions. Acetaminophen is a secret ingredient of the Heroin concoction we call “cheese,” and liver damage is why people die from it. If you want to learn about addiction try contracting with a friend for neither of you to masturbate for lent. Win, lose or draw, it WILL teach you something about addiction. After that you will not be in such a hurry to try Heroin. If Heroin is your solution to the problem, take a hint from me – pre-marital sex with all its pitfalls isn’t as bad for you as Heroin.